A Secret Wedding - From the Lost Blog

Suddenly we’re at the end of October almost, it’s Jon’s birthday in just a few days and not long after that we’ll have a new addition to our family in the form on one Tum Goblin who will be currently known as ‘L’. It’s been a marvellous autumn so far and in the last couple of days, the temperature has plummeted and I find myself needing to grab a coat and hat when I leave the house and my toes are chilly on the tiles when I nip downstairs to make my cup of tea. I can’t hide that so far, I’m thoroughly enjoying this peaceful transitionary phase of the year.

Now that we’ve officially told all of our family in person, Jon & I decided to make it public news that we are now ‘legally’ married. That’s right, we eloped!

Surprised? Somewhat.

Impulsive? Maybe just a tad.

Content in our decision and loving every moment of referring to each other as ‘Oi husband’ and ‘Wiiiiiiiife’? You bet.

So we’re leaving behind autumn for just a moment and flashing back to a hot summer’s day in August, in fact it was what felt like the last true summers day. After that, autumn really did begin to creep in but for that one perfect day, it was sunny and warm and full of ice cream, salt water and inflatable pineapples.

But before I embark on a nostalgic and fond recollection of a sweet summer memory, I have a confession to make… we’re doing it all again in 2020.

Confused? you’re not the only one.

Most of the people we told understood. If we waited till L was with us, then we could celebrate with her too. It also gave us a chance to save up and have the wedding we truly wanted. So why do it in two parts?

 

Our Dream Wedding

Jon & I love the outdoors. We’re both non religious so getting married in a church was never an option for us and registry offices are just not our style. My friend Katie who’s wedding I was so fortunate to capture was explaining to me how they had elected to get married outdoors because to them, nature was their temple, their sacred place and they always knew that that’s where they needed to be to say their vows to one another. This really resonated with us. In England, getting married outdoors isn’t legal unless you’re getting married under a permanent structure of some sort be it a concrete pergola, covered altar or fixed gazebo. The location has to be licensed for marriage, you can’t just get married anywhere and typically as expected, any venue that has a licensed outdoor structure comes with a whopping price tag that we just can’t afford (I’m a freelancer yo and Jon’s a full time Dad to be!)

So we both knew we wanted to get married outdoors or at least in a very natural setting and knew that we couldn’t afford the sort of venue that would support this. I’ve been photographing weddings for a few years now and I’ve come to notice a trend in young people planning their dream weddings whilst avoiding the high prices of licensed wedding venues but also getting around England’s rule of ‘no outdoor weddings.’ It’s quite simple really but it all depends on what your interpretation of marriage is. More and more young people these days are electing to get the ‘legal’ part discreetly done in a registry office with just a few witnesses required so that they can then go on to have the ceremony of their dreams on another day, performed by whomever they choose as opposed to an ordained registrar/priest in the venue of their choosing. Now if you’re the kind of person who believes that marriage takes place once and truly when that piece of official paper is signed, then this obviously isn’t going to work for you but that isn’t what marriage means to us. Sure, there’s that element of marriage that’s legally recognised, that point at which the government accept your relationship as ‘valid’ and ‘standing’ and you can tick an option on the official paperwork that’s other than ‘single’ or ‘divorced’ but this really isn’t the be all and end all of a relationship and you know what, plenty of people don’t even bother with this and that’s just fine too. Ultimately, you’ve got to roll with what works for you.

 

Practicalities

So it’s no secret anymore that back in March we discovered we were expecting a baby. Surprise! Jon and I were friends for a little while before we got together and we had always been transparent and upfront about what we would want from a long term relationship from the very beginning. One of the fundamentals of our relationship is great communication, we do our very best to talk and be open and transparent about absolutely everything (especially great and not so great poops.) We knew that if we committed to each other, that all going well one day we’d want to get married and have kids. We both craved a soft and caring family atmosphere for our own and really cherished the idea of family picnics, beach days out, cuddle piles and bedtime stories. We just hadn’t quite expected it to happen that soon but you know… mysterious snow storms happened and the rest is history and a great dinner party story that Jon loves to whip out on every and any occasion. Once the initial surprise wore off we realised we were very excited and happy for this adventure and inevitably the topic of marriage came back up in conversation.

We were both adamant that we weren’t gonna have a ‘big’ wedding or spend mega bucks on it. Today, the average wedding costs around and above £20,000 which just isn’t money we have to spend on a party so slash that in half and we had a pretty good idea of what we wanted to achieve; something romantic, tender, heartfelt, vegetarian and surrounded by greenery. We knew the venue where we wanted to celebrate, we’re keeping it mostly secret for now but lets just say it has a very natural vibe.

This meant inevitably we’d have to sign the paperwork and perform our legal declarations somewhere else at some point. Lots of people opt to do this the same week as their ‘ceremonial wedding’ or even the same month but we decided somewhat spontaneously that we might as well do it sooner rather than later.

We decided to keep it top secret, inviting just a handful of friends that lived nearby and who it wouldn’t inconvenience too much. We decided against involving family since we figured if everyone who wanted to be there turned up, then it might as well be the real deal and it would take value and meaning away from the actual wedding celebration to follow which was the most important part for us. That’s not to say that we didn’t enjoy the legal part, we certainly had a most wonderful day (Even if I did fall over in my heels and face plant Penzance promenade (Note: I am dyspraxic and heels are not a good idea)) and so if you’re a curious or nosy soul (like myself) feel free to read on about the memories we made on that sunny day in August.

O U R    S E C R E T    D A Y

We had very little to organise for the day, we wanted to keep it as simple and small as possible. Just a couple of witnesses and any local friends that wanted to share the day with us whom it wouldn’t inconvenience too much. We gave notice of marriage pretty soon after we decided it’s what we wanted and had fun choosing some of our much loved tunes to play to our guests during the registry office part (to be honest, they probably thought our choices were a bit weird and unconventional (Radiohead… Architecture in Helsinki, David Bowie and Joe Dassin) but then again they knew what they signed up for.)

At first, I hadn’t been overly concerned with what I was going to wear, especially since I didn’t know how big I was going to be at that point. I had a tulle constellation skirt from Chicwish with an elasticated waist which had been an impulse buy from a few months ago, laying untouched in the wardrobe and I thought ‘huzzah! perfect’ a starting point. I ordered a custom made lace crop top from Etsy in what was described as ‘biscuit blush’ but arrived a week before the wedding date in bright, candy floss pink and far too long and ill fitting. Lessons learned and slightly panicked, I begged my friend Ailsa (who makes the most beautiful wedding dresses and will be making my formal dress in 2020) if she had any samples laying around of her Billie top to spare. As it happened, she was on maternity leave and was kind enough to whip me up one especially (Ailsa, if you’re reading this you’re a life saver and I am eternally grateful) and it was perfect; Simple, elegant, classic.

Jon ordered a few things from Uniqulo in his favourite colours and tones and ended up looking like what I described as ‘an honorary member of Mumford and sons’ (he just needed a fiddle) but in my opinion also cute as a button. It was a hot summers day so we knew we both wanted to be comfy and informal and there was no need for fancy suits this time round. I found the perfect pair of pink velvet shoes on ASOS for around £20 which matched my arm chair and we ordered our custom rings to be handmade by the wonderfully talented Hannah Batstone jewellery who’s based in Penryn. Funnily enough we bought an engagement ring from her on the same day (unconventional I know) but it was something we wanted to choose together and I fell in love with it the moment I saw it, the aquamarine colours reminding me of the shade of the sea at our favourite beach (Pedn Vounder) on a summers day.

Jon and I didn’t have a formal engagement. That is, he didn’t get down on one knee and propose and nor did I. We chatted about it over a few weeks like boring grown ups and decided that it was something we both wanted and were ready for. That’s not to say it wasn’t romantic, it felt like the right course for us. As I’ve already mentioned, we’re a very communicative couple and tend to discuss literally everything and anything that’s on our minds as equals so there was no need for us to have a proposal (Although Jon did whip out a sofa proposal the night before our wedding, LOL Curly boi, you joker.)

Originally I was going to buy some flowers from our local florist and try and put together a bouquet and button hole myself but at the last moment I had a few doubts (flowers are one of my favourite parts of wedding decorations, if not my favourite) and thought it would be a great opportunity to have something really different to what we would have on our ‘big wedding’ day. I asked the talented Clare from The Cornish Cutting garden if she fancied the task of my rather odd request… She had done flowers for one of my best friend’s wedding a couple of years back and I had worked with her on a shoot and countless weddings. I loved her quirkier work and her eye for more alternative floral arrangements and so I gave her an odd brief of ‘please can you make me something that’s Penzancey, green and mossy.’ For those of you who aren’t familiar with Penzance, we have a subtropical microclimate so we have a lot of succulents, air plants, lichens and dried grasses. She interpreted the brief perfectly and I loved my unconventional bouquet come living sculpture which I’ve since disassembled and the air plants live on! She also made me an excellent living flower crown to match which I have to admit made me look so extra but I loved it. I felt like a glorious, pregnant mermaid and I’m so glad I went with the last minute decision to use a real florist because when we popped into the local florists shop on the morning of the wedding to buy some dried petal confetti, all of their fresh flowers for the day were not at all what we were after and wouldn’t have survived the hot temperatures.

Again, with makeup I didn’t trust myself (I don’t often wear makeup) and wanted an excuse to be jazzy and sparkly so I hit up another friend Amy Potter (Formerly known as Amy Pike as she got married last week!) who is a very talented MUA and also lives in Penzance. I love her work as it’s so different from your classic ‘neutral’ wedding makeup and for the trial I didn’t even have a brief in mind. I just said ‘Do your thing, Whatever you think looks cool.’ As someone who works in the wedding industry, it’s both exciting and harrowing when someone gives you that brief because then you feel that sensation of ‘oh dear god, they trust me. I must. not. eff. this. up.’ It’s also worrying because you don’t know if you’re really doing what it is that they want but then it’s also great because you can just play and go wild (Sorry to do that to you Amy :P) Trusting Amy’s judgement was the best because I was so happy with the results. The first thing I thought was that the look she had created was very reminiscent of the ballroom dance scene in the Labyrinth (MY FAVOURITE FILM EVER) and I hadn’t known that that’s what I wanted until she did it. Such glitter. Much 80’s. Very wow. Happy Sarah.

Jon didn’t get makeup done. I think he might have ran his fingers through his hair and given his beard a rare trim but who needs style when your hair is as curly and aspirational as his? I swear if our kid doesn’t inherit his curls, I’m sending her back 

We had breakfast with our friends at our house, we picked up lots of fresh pastries from the local bakery and Jon made us all pancakes because he’s an utter babe like that. It was a mostly relaxed morning of hanging out, listening to music and getting makeup done until suddenly we had 20 minutes to walk to the town hall and I hadn’t even done my hair.

I have to say, I enjoyed the ceremony a lot more than I thought I would. Our registrars were super nice and although we kept the vows very short with no readings, it didn’t stop me from getting emotional. I pretty much burst into tears the moment we walked together, hand in hand into the room to see our friends smiling at us but lets blame that on the pregnancy hormones and not the fact I’m just an emotional heap. 

As far as town halls go, the Penzance one is pretty great. A big ole granite building with huge bright Georgian windows, it’s the hub of a weekly farmers market, the library and many other things and we made a great big confetti mess on their steps.

Our original plan was to hit up the local Lido after the ceremony. Being a beautiful day in August, when we reached the lido with our blow up pineapple in hand, it was full to capacity with a huge queue of people waiting to get in. Plan foiled… and to think we were worrying about having a wet weather back up? We all decided to brave the epic traverse of Penzance’s long promenade to Newlyn’s ironically named ‘Sandy beach’ (nb: you’ll be hard pushed to find any sand, it’s mostly a stony beach) but we promised that we’d reward ourselves with a tasty Jelberts (a Penzance/Newlyn phenomenon) and that was motivation enough.

We were so close to the beach when out of nowhere I fell over on the very flat ground and managed to cut up my hands, arms and knees. I have to admit, it was kind of hilarious and I managed to be a big brave girl and not cry and my friends nipped to co-op to grab plasters and wet wipes for the blood. These are the memories that make a wedding, I’m telling you 

You can see here from our cool album cover we’re about to drop a sick EP. Lol. these guys <3

I also need to thank my friend Claire who doesn’t appear in these pictures because she’s the one taking them! Thank you so much for capturing all the little bits of our day and giving us pictures to remember it by ^_^

For those of you how aren’t familiar with Jelbert’s ice creams, you’re missing out. They serve precisely one flavour: vanilla. It’s homemade, delicious and you get a giant scoop for £1.50 – tell me, where can you get such a quality ice cream at that price these days? Plus the retro decor of this quintessential Newlyn shopfront is charming and it was on one of Jon and my earlier dates where he introduced me to the Jelbert ice cream cult. I’m a happily committed follower now, living in creamy ice cream bliss. We sort of themed our legal ceremony day around a pilgrimage of our early first dates in Penzance, Ice cream at Jelberts, a visit to the art deco Lido and of course, we spent the evening in the place where our very first date took place; The Artist’s residence on Chapel Street. I don’t have any pictures of that part of the day but we shared a delicious meal with our friends in the banquet room and sat in the attached beer garden chatting and hanging out with friends until the stars came out. It really was very lovely 

 

Even though we weren’t able to get into the Pool for a swim when we wanted, we still squeezed in a few couple pictures here on the top terrace since it was such an important place to us. We spend a lot of time here, have had many many dates and happy memories and can’t wait to bring L here for a swim when she’s earthside.

It’s been almost 3 months now, and so far we’ve really enjoyed being legally married. Does it feel any different? I guess I feel more adult now, I have a much easier to spell surname (although our favourite takeaway still can’t get it right) and I feel so proud to call Jon my husband.

In all honesty, although we had a really great time this little jolly didn’t feel like our wedding day. It was certainly a milestone, a great memory and wonderful experience but in our hearts we are very much looking forward to 2020 when we will be sharing our own handwritten vows, special readings and blessings beneath the open sky (fingers crossed) before our family, friends and community in a very special celebration. I guess it was sort of the prelude to an adventure yet to come. Technically, we’ve embarked on the journey of married life but it all depends on your perspective as to why having a wedding part two is worthwhile. Personally, I feel a need to separate the legal and spiritual and well, I’m not going to lie… I’m really excited that I get to marry Jon all over again! They say your wedding day goes in a flash and it truly does, so I guess I’m just super greedy and I’m doing it twice