A Letter to Jonathan - from the Lost Blog

Dear sweet Jon, my curlyboi.

They say that when you meet the love of your life, you’ll look at them and you’ll just know. That it hits you like lightening and you feel butterflies in your tummy, that you’ll fall head over heels hopelessly in love and you’ll be filled to the brim with passion and romance and the sort of giddiness that comes with finding ‘The One.’ The French call it ‘Le Coup de Foudre’ and I’ve felt that feeling precisely once – things didn’t work out and I’m so happy that they didn’t.

When I met you for the first time, it was around 9 years ago and you were somebody else’s boyfriend. You had a long ponytail, a pirate look about you and a cigarette in hand. We may have exchanged about four words maximum and then we quickly forgot about each other and went about our idle, teenage lives.

Fast forward seven years. I had just gotten out of a rather painful breakup, I was feeling optimistic about the way ahead but I was also feeling a little melancholy for the loss of people I considered like family, my old life as I knew it and fearful for a (then) dear friend that I worried was going down a path I could never follow. Romance was the very last thing I was thinking about as I was feeling ready to focus on myself, my career and getting back into the swing of taking adventures and opportunities as they came without anyone to ground me. So the second time I met you, although there was no ‘coup de foudre,’ no surge of love or profound sensation of divine intention I did think ‘Oh he’s cute’ and then you subsequently kicked my ass at Ticket to Ride (a game I had been rather undefeatable at up to that point.) I considered you a worthy adversary. We met up again the following Tuesday and then every Tuesday since.

Falling in love with you wasn’t sudden or sweeping. It was gradual, charming and gentle. Like sitting in a bath that’s slowly filling with the sweetest warm water or that perfect hug from behind. We shared in our love of the coast, being outdoors and exploring together. We delighted in the little things and we quickly learned we shared the exact same odd sense of humour and although we were so different (you a shy introvert and me, well… you know what I’m like) we were also the same. You quickly became my best friend and I didn’t see it coming. We shared a summer together of almost fairytale blissful memories that seemed far too perfect to belong to anybody and I could feel my stars aligning and my world beginning to orbit around yours.

I never intended to fall in love with you but we were sat in that ginormous roll top bath tub in Edinburgh and we chatted until all the bubbles popped about things that made us happy, the things that made us sad, our mums and our pasts. As we galloped around those medieval streets and fancied ourselves in some setting for a great gothic adventure novel, ate the best pizza of my life and zoomed around the majestic highlands in my little blue car and I knew then that I had failed at the one thing I promised myself, but I was okay with that. You were worth breaking that promise for. You and your silly wild curly hair, your lichen green eyes and your scratchy beard face. Somehow, we completed a lifetime of memories in only 3 years and here we are, married (legally) with the sweetest daughter we could ever dream up and sometimes, I do wonder if I’m sitting somewhere in an alternate reality in a weird drug induced fever dream and none of this really is real. It hasn’t been the easiest year this year however as we’ve faced so many challenges; financial, emotional and health wise but never once has our relationship been challenging nor have I questioned my decision to battle it all by your side.

We’ve never done real cheese or taken ourselves that seriously. I would call you my ‘rock’ but that phrase seems overused and somewhat underwhelming – I mean, I like rocks and all but you’re so much more to me than that. You’re not my anything. You’re yourself and you belong to you but every day, I marvel at you and my good fortunes that we chose to spend our lives with each other and your kindness, gentleness and patience constantly encourages, soothes and inspires me to be good and sweet like you rather than tempestuous and selfish as I know I can full-well be.

The struggles from this year did nothing to throw us off course, only strengthen us and make us realise that together, we work better as individuals too, encouraging and emboldening each other. I’ve learned so much about love, about its nature and how there are so many types that exist and that the type of romantic love I truly needed and craved was a gentle and wholesome one like yours. One that made me feel safe and warm and appreciated and so so very grateful for each other.

I can’t wait to marry you all over again in May. To finally say our vows before those whom we love, to get all dressed up and eat fine foods and dance and be merry and to make another beautiful memory for our collection of beautiful memories. I hope we get years and years to keep on making those together, to watch our darling girl grow and that we in turn never stop growing and learning and adventuring. I will do my best to follow in your example of being a kind and gentle partner but also to tempt you out of your shell when you’re being a hermit crab and ruffle your hair even when you don’t want it 

Thank you for everything.

Love,

Nuggets xxx